The Monster, The Princess, and Tony Stark - A Long Overdue Update

Dear friends,

Ethan & Auntie Dr. Sarah

Sorry for the long delay in posting an update, but life this past week has been very busy. For much of the week, I (the princess, obviously) have been held captive by a ferocious monster in the universe’s tallest tower. Despite being rescued on multiple occasions by Iron Man and Captain America, I somehow managed to be recaptured and imprisoned, and even once was in such peril that Superman had to join forces with the Avengers to set me free! Being continually captured and rescued is exhausting work and doesn't leave much time for writing updates!

Isaac & Auntie Dr. Sarah

As many of you know, my brother, Jason, and his family have been missionaries in South Korea for the past 7 years. Previously, I had only met my nephew Isaac (age 4 ½, a.k.a. Tony Stark/Iron Man, a.k.a. Steve Rogers/Captain America) twice and had never met my nephew Ethan (age 18 months, a.k.a. the ferocious monster). When they found out I was sick, they made a surprise trip home to see me, which was such a blessing and a joy for my entire family. Just recently, their circumstances in Korea changed, and they are now in the process of moving back to Indiana. Last week, Jason and Gail returned to South Korea to pack up their home and say their goodbyes, while their little boys stayed with us! I have loved this new degree of Auntie-hood. And even though I am sad that Jason and Gail are having to leave Korea so suddenly and unexpectedly, I am grateful that they will be close by in the coming months.

Regarding platelets: 

Thank you to the many of you who have been praying for my platelet count. Last week my count remained low, requiring a few platelet transfusions. My doctor believes I have a condition called Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia (ITP), which is where, for unknown reasons, my immune system attacks and destroys my own platelets. This condition is independent of cancer, but may have been triggered by having received chemotherapy. I have been on high-dose steroids to prevent my immune system from consuming my platelets, and slowly but surely, the platelet count is on the rise! Today my platelet count was 47,000. As a result,I did not receive chemo as originally planned, but I am on the schedule for next Tuesday (Sept 15th) as long as the platelet count is at least 100,000. Please continue to pray that the platelet count would go up and also that it would stay up following my next round of chemotherapy!

Burritos and Baldness 

In the meantime, I have had a noticeable physical response to chemo, with palpable tumors and lymph nodes smaller than they once were. My bone pain had nearly disappeared for a while, although it has been on the increase in the past few days. Even still, I praise the Lord that He is shrinking this cancer! Every day, my appetite and physical strength improve, and I am now able to walk through public places without the use of a wheelchair or shopping cart for support. Today I ate an entire Chipotle burrito, which was a satisfying accomplishment! As you may have seen, I had my hair cut short a few weeks ago in anticipation of losing it because of chemo. One morning last week, my hair started hurting, like it had been pulled tightly in a ponytail for a long time. Later in the day, it started coming out in large quantities. Not unexpected, but still a bit disheartening. So my friend who is a hair stylist came over and shaved it off. The practical side of me knows that this was a good choice to help with the soreness and to keep me from waking up in a pile of my own hair. But it is a difficult thing to look at myself in the mirror and accept that I have no hair because I have cancer. I have all sorts of cute hats and scarves that I’ll now get to wear, but they all still highlight my baldness. It is very weird, although it does feel pretty nice to have a constant breeze to my head while it is so hot and humid here! My good friend Karen lives in a place where women traditionally wear head coverings and will be giving me a tutorial on how to fashionably apply a scarf to my head. I’ve never been good at hair or accessorizing, but I suppose now is a good time to learn!  

Black Jack & Zoe

The Princess Zoe

And in non-clinical news, this past week also brought the excitement of adding two little kittens to the Lantz family.  Black Jack (Jack) and Zoe are 3 ½ months old and are as sweet as can be. When I first opened the cage at the shelter, Jack jumped straight into my arms and nestled in as if to say, “I’m choosing you!” He immediately made himself at home and was even somehow ok with allowing little Ethan to pick him up and carry him around.  Zoe was a snuggler from the start, but also has a feisty personality. She spends her days attacking strings and bugs and unseen enemies throughout the house.  She loves to play and pounce almost as much as she loves to eat and snuggle! 

Black Jack

Jack’s original name at the shelter was Aldous (like Aldous Huxley), which means“old.” Zoe was originally called Swiss Miss (and had siblings with equally terrible names such as Kool-Aid, Ovaltene, and Yahoo) Isaac is the one who picked “Black Jack.” The name Jack is a derivative of John, which means “God is gracious.” Zoe is one of my favorite girls’ names, from the Greek meaning “abundant life” (John 10:10 - I have come that they may have Zoe…”). I am grateful for both of these little ones whose names are a prophetic representation of what God has done and what I am continuing to ask Him for in my own life. My dear Zambian cat, Lloyd was such a faithful and loving companion. I miss him terribly, and these little ones in no way will ever replace him. But I am excited to have some companionship and an outlet for my cat-lady tendencies through the road ahead!

And now you’re up to date! Thank you for your continuous prayers and support. Thank you to the many who have sent encouraging notes and emails, brought meals, and stopped by to visit. God has been so good to me. He has somehow given me a heart full of gratitude at a time when I feel I should be angry, scared, sad, confused and hurting. Even the other night I couldn’t fall asleep as I recounted the blessings that came just that day. This is supernatural. Not at all of myself, and not because I am someone who has great faith or is in denial about what is happening to me. I can say with confidence that God is in control even though I don’t understand this at all. 

I feel very much like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as they faced the fiery furnace, trusting that God can do what He says He will do and that He is who He says He is, but that even if He doesn’t do what I’ve asked Him to do, He is still good and still God. (Daniel 3:17-18). I have no idea why this has to be happening to me. I don’t understand why I have to experience physical weakness and pain (which at times is quite intense because of the cancer in my bones) or why God chose now - just 19 months into my career as a missionary doctor - for all this to unfold. And I don’t have any idea what He plans to do with it all. But for all of my life, God has been preparing me to trust Him in the unknown. So even though I never thought I would have to trust Him in this way, I know that the Lord is trustworthy.  It is hard to know just what to ask God for in circumstances like these - whether I can be bold enough to ask for everything that I want (complete and miraculous healing, to return to the field as a missionary doctor, to someday be 40, to have my life’s dreams and goals still satisfied) or if I have faith enough to ask for the even bigger and scarier thing of whatever it is the Lord wants, even if His plans don’t line up with mine. As God himself says, "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too difficult for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27). Of course not.  And “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” (Genesis 18:25). Absolutely. What I want most is to be faithful with whatever He has planned for this.  More thoughts on this to come later…